Dental kindness leading to repentance

I recently read the book Rot: An Imperial History of the Irish Famine about the potato famine in Ireland in the 1840s. I learned that the British government purposefully chose not to provide aid to Irish farmers and their families who were starving to death. The British already had a cultural stereotype that the Irish were lazy, and because of the famine, jobs were in short supply. Many of the farmers couldn’t find employment outside of growing potatoes, which was no longer feasible. This confirmed the laziness stereotype and led the British government to conclude that if they gave out free food or money, it would further enable Irish laziness. The farmers would no longer feel the need to work. (Of course, no one raised the point that most farmers weren’t getting jobs either because jobs didn’t exist or because they and their families were starving to death.)

Since reading that book, I read about a German study, Projekt Grundeinkommen, that examined the effects of UBI (universal basic income) for a group of over 1,000 people over three years. The study showed a surprising result: Receiving a set amount of money each month did not cause people to work less.

One concern voiced by critics is that receiving a basic income could make people less inclined to work. But the Grundeinkommen study suggests that may not be the case at all. It found that receiving a basic income was not a reason for people to quit their jobs. On average, study participants worked 40 hours a week and stayed in employment – identical to the study’s control group, which received no payment. “We find no evidence that people love doing nothing,” Susann Fiedler, a professor at the Vienna University of Economics and Business who was involved with the study, said on the study’s website. (Source)

Both the Irish potato famine and this study show something about what actually causes people to change their behavior, and the main takeaway for me is that it’s not shame.

One of the graphs from the study

During the famine, Irish farmers had few options to change their circumstances even if they had received relief from the British government. But the “tough love” the British thought they were giving did nothing to help anyone.

Had the British been able to travel 180 years into the future and read the results of Projekt Grundeinkommen, they would have seen that when people have stability and dignity, they are empowered to make positive changes.

---

I didn’t go to the dentist for several years. There was no good reason other than that when I left for college I did what many college students do: I abandoned most of the habits I had established growing up. I didn’t have dental insurance after I graduated from college until Christian and I got married.

When I finally went to the dentist, it was not surprising that my oral health left much to be desired. After a friendly greeting, the hygienist told me that my teeth looked terrible. She said I was close to having gingivitis and shamed me for how awful I had let things get.

Photo by Atikah Akhtar on Unsplash

She then moved from attacking me with words to attacking me with dental implements. I am sure that part of the pain I felt was due to not having had my teeth cleaned in so long, but her tactics felt harsher than they needed to be. I didn’t end up having any cavities, but she continued to berate me as she finished the cleaning.

I have always dreaded going to the dentist ever since that appointment more than ten years ago.

And then I went to my most recent dental appointment, and potatoes and famines and German research studies all coalesced into a single realization. I went into the appointment knowing I had rarely flossed over the past six months. For me, when I am in a season of depression, flossing is the first thing to go.

I have gone to a dental practice here that has been a positive experience, and yet I still dread going. The hygienist who took me back was my mom’s age, and I was immediately on high alert. She has probably been doing this for years, I thought. She’s going to take one look at my mouth and see that I haven’t been flossing regularly and she’s going to let me have it.

She led me to the room and had me sit in the chair. She took some X-rays and I mentally prepared myself. As she typed information into the computer, she asked me about my kids and whether I worked. I tried to be cool and told her that our oldest just got his learners permit and that my younger two were at VBS this week so I was working while they were there. She sat down next to me and placed some dark glasses on my eyes. I closed them beneath the glasses and tried to take a deep breath.

“Are you OK?” she asked. I said yes. I don’t think she believed me.

She had me open my mouth and I braced myself. I realized both my hands were clenched onto the opposite forearms over my stomach.

“You know,” she said, “It’s so hard for moms to take care of themself when they’re so busy taking care of other people.”

She scraped at my teeth.

“I can tell by your mouth that you’ve been having a hard time taking care of yourself.”

I wanted to cry. Here it comes, I thought.

“But you don’t need to worry. You can relax, and I’m going to take care of all this tartar for you. Sometimes moms need someone else to take care of them, don’t they? I had four kids, too. I get it.”

She was so gentle with the dental tools, it hardly felt like she was touching my teeth at all. She arranged the little suction tube so that my gag reflex didn’t go off constantly.

She finished the cleaning and called for the dentist to come take a look. As we waited, I asked her if there was anything other than flossing that I needed to be doing. She asked what kind of toothbrush I have and gave me some tips on how to better use my electric toothbrush around the permanent retainer I have on my bottom teeth.

The dentist came in and took and look at my mouth. She asked the hygienist if there were any issues.

“Nope!” she said. “I noticed her gums were a bit puffy, but she is a busy mom and we made a plan for her to try to focus on that better going forward.”

“Great!” the dentist said, and left.

I left that appointment more determined to floss and brush than I ever have in my entire life. Finding out I hadn’t been taking great care of my teeth and being treated with gentleness and compassion did not make me think that it didn’t matter if I flossed. On the contrary, the way the hygienist treated me made me want to take care of my teeth.

I wonder how much of our desire to change behaviors, whether sinful or merely foolish, would be helped if we understood God’s posture toward us. It’s his kindness, after all, that leads us to repentance.¹ Not his anger. Not the misplaced shame we feel. When I really stop and think about the Lord’s steadfast love toward me, the love that never comes to an end, it makes me want to change. A piece of what the gospel offers us through Jesus is stability, dignity, safety, and security. If we have all those things, then anything is possible.

1. Romans 2:4