14 of my favorite books about relationships

In honor of Valentine’s Day, but without making this a Valentine’s Day post, I wanted to share some of my favorite books about relationships. Some of these are about marriage, but some of them are just about relationships in general. A few are also fiction books that I love because of how they portray real relationships, whether that’s between spouses, friends, or siblings. This is definitely a hodgepodge—but I hope that means there’s something for everyone.

A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships by Paul Miller

This is one of those books that deserves a re-read every few years. Paul Miller has an incredible book on prayer, which I read before this one. This book walks through the biblical book of Ruth through the lens of relationships and shows how love traces a thread through the entire story. It is a challenging book, but it will be a blessing to your relationships.

Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane

I don’t remember how I ran across this one, but it was a delightful find. This is not an easy read, but it portrays not just the realities of marriage but also of trauma and extended family relationships. These are the books I want to read that I refer to as “romance.”

Don't Mom Alone: Growing the Relationships You Need to Be the Mom You Want to Be by Heather MacFadyen

This book is partly about moms and their relationships with their kids, but it’s also about how to make friends with other moms. For the first time in my life, after 15 years, I have real mom friends, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I wish I had read this book in the first few years of motherhood.

How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told by Harrison Scott Key

I’ve seen this book in a lot of places recently, and for good reason. My husband read it before me, and he told me I had to read it. I will say that for the first third, I almost gave up. It wasn’t bad, but it was almost too painful to listen to. I pressed through, though, and I’m glad I did. This book takes place in the next county from us, and I actually know two of the supporting characters in the book. If you listen to the audiobook, the author reads it, and that’s my recommended way to take in this book!

Messy Beautiful Friendship: Finding and Nurturing Deep and Lasting Relationships by Christine Hoover

I got to be part of the launch team for this book years ago, and while I haven’t read it recently, I remember it being really challenging (in a good way). Christine Hoover has written several other books, many of them about being a pastor’s wife, and I have found them all helpful.

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Paul David Tripp and Tim Lane

I reread this book again last fall, I think for the third time. The first time I read it, it encouraged me to reach out to someone with whom I had a broken relationship. This would be a great book to use in a small group setting or a discipleship relationship.

Side by Side: Walking With Others in Wisdom and Love by Ed Welch

Another slightly shorter book than the previous one that helps regular members of the church equip each other. I truly believe that with the Holy Spirit’s help, many of the problems ordinary people face can be handled by one or two other believers walking with them. (Not all of them — don’t hear me being against professional counseling!). This book aims to show you how to do that.

The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

This book made me ugly cry when it was over. It’s about two couples, both of whom are in ministry. I don’t really know what else to say about it other than that you should read it.

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope by Leslie Vernick

This might seem like a weird one to be on the list, but I don’t want to mention relationships without acknowledging that not all relationships are in a good place. I know of too many women who are currently in marriages that this book describes. Whether you’re struggling in your marriage or suspect someone you love is, I truly believe every Christian should read this book.

The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended by Sheila Wray Gregoire

For any married couple, this book will probably be helpful—especially if you grew up in the purity culture of the 1990s. It is evidence-based but also upholds the gift of sex that God has given us in marriage.

The Path Between Us: An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships by Suzanne Stabile

Any enneagram fans out there? My husband and I have both found it helpful (I’m a 6; he’s a 9). This book is for those who already know their enneagram number and want to see how different numbers interact with each other. Understanding that my husband does NOT have an inner counsel in his head advising him on what to do next was a huge game changer in our marriage.

The Penderwicks: A Summer Tale of Four Sisters, Two Rabbits, and a Very Interesting Boy by Jeanne Birdsall

This is my very favorite middle grade book series, but it’s not just for kids. There are five books in this series, and they are wholesome and hilarious and portray real relationships among real family members. I can only hope my kids have the same sibling relationships these kids have.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

I’m not fully on board with all things Gottman, but I still think this is a helpful book. This is NOT for marriages that are in crisis or that have abuse dynamics. It is for those who are in a marriage whether both spouses feel like something could be better, and they are both willing to work toward that.

Transformative Friendships: 7 Questions to Deepen Any Relationship by Brad Hambrick

If you’re looking for a way to make new friends or deepen the relationships you already have, this is the book for you. It contains dozens of questions you can ask in order to get to know people better. My mom and I worked through some of these over the summer and I learned things about her for the first time in almost 40 years.

Do you have any favorite books on relationships? Do share!