13 Memoirs from People Who Escaped High-Control Groups or Families

Plus 3 books about high-control people and institutions and 13 documentary recommendations

I have always been interested in human psychology, how people think, and what drives people to do things that don’t make logical sense. This interest, combined with personal experience in several high-control religious and workplace environments, eventually led to a minor obsession with reading books and watching shows about cults, high-control families and groups, and narcissism. I find it fascinating to read the story of someone who grew up or spent extended time in a high-control group but eventually escaped and managed to find some level of normalcy. When you are in one of those environments, you are often blind to the abuse and dysfunction that surrounds you. Only when you escape the cloud of what is usually a narcissistic, authoritarian leader can you see the situation for what it is.

Here are 13 memoirs of individuals who were either born into or found themselves stuck in a high-control family or group. All of them managed to make their way out, some at the risk of their own lives. These stories are true, and if they were marketed as fiction, you’d probably throw them in the trash, because they wouldn’t be believable.

What’s the point in reading books like this? Well, if you’ve ever been in a high-control group, you will find affirmation that what you experienced was wrong, but that it made sense that you couldn’t see what was happening to you. If you’ve never been in that kind of environment, praise the Lord, but maybe reading these memoirs will give you compassion toward people you meet who have been.

I’ve broken the list in half: groups/families that were not religious and groups/families that were.

High Control Groups—Not Religious

Nobody’s Girl: A Memoir of Surviving Abuse and Fighting for Justice by Virginia Roberts Giuffre

I’ve mentioned this book several times recently, and yet I will say again that this is one of the most disturbing books I have ever read. Giuffre’s childhood was horrific in her high-control family, and then she found herself caught in the clutches of uber-predators Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. The bravery and courage she showed in seeking justice and writing this book are tremendous.

Dinner for Vampires: Life on a Cult TV Show by Bethany Joy Lenz

I never watched One Tree Hill and didn’t really know who Lenz was, but this was as funny as a book about accidentally finding yourself in a cult can be. Surprisingly as well, the author seems to have become a Christian once she escaped the cult. It’s always amazing to me when someone who comes out of a high-control family is willing to engage with the Bible, because I can understand how past trauma could close you off to anything that has ever been associated with high-control groups. This was one of the best nonfiction books I read last year.

Member of the Family: My Story of Charles Manson, Life Inside His Cult, and the Darkness that Ended the Sixties by Dianne Lake

This is a fascinating story about a woman who found herself in Charles Manson’s cult when she was only 16. She was not involved in the Patty Hearst murder, but she was very close to being part of it. I think the second half of the book about her life after she escaped was the most fascinating party, especially as she shares how she decided to explain to her children decades later what the earlier part of her life as like.

The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls

This is a story about a girl born into a high-control family where she experienced abuse mostly in the form of neglect. These kinds of stories are heartbreaking, but I think they are important to read, because when you do you see that there were so many people who almost saw what the children were going through but didn’t have quite enough curiosity to ask more questions and get them help. It has helped me to develop a better sense of when I might want to ask questions when I suspect something might be wrong.

The House of My Mother: A Daughter’s Quest for Freedom by Shari Franke

This is not a book I recommend whole-heartedly, mostly because I don’t think the author had enough distance from her situation before she wrote it. Shari Franke is the daughter of Ruby Franke, the creator of the YouTube channel 8 Passengers, which has now been shut down. Ruby is in prison for aggravated child abuse against her own children, some of which was documented for all to see on her YouTube channel. Shari’s experience is terrible, and I don’t fault her for writing about it, but I think a little more distance would have served the book better.

Raised by a Serial Killer: Discovering the Truth About My Father by April Balascio

This book isn’t about a cult persay, but the author’s experience in her father’s home is definitely a high-control environment, because he is trying to escape being found out for the numerous people he kills over the years. My interest in this book is similar to these other cult memoirs because you see her wrestling with what the outside world is really like and trying to process her childhood experiences. That said, I believe the author self-published this book, and it could have used a good editor. I don’t recommend the audiobook, either, because the author’s cadence and pronunciation is distracting.

High Control Groups—Religious

This second section contains books by people who were in high-control groups with some kind of religious basis. Some were vaguely Christian, some were Mormon, and some essentially made up their own religion.

Hollywood Park by Mikel Jollett

This is one of my favorite memoirs of all time, cult-related or not. The audiobook version of this book includes some of the author’s original music, so it’s worth going that route if you have access to it. Mikel Jollett was born into the Synanon cult and was separated from his mom for many years with other children also born into the cult. He eventually escaped, but it took years for him to be able to reckon with his experiences. This is an honest look at what compels someone (in this case, his mom) to stay in a high-control group. What I love most about this book is the lengths to which the author was able to find a life where he could thrive.

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover

This is one of the most famous memoirs of the last decade, and for good reason. It was one of the first books I ever read from a person who grew up in a high-control family. This was also the first time I ever heard a reference to Ruby Ridge, when the author’s father claims the government’s actions there are justification for the lengths he goes to protect his own family from government interference. Westover grew up unsure of her birthday, without a social security card, and without access to consistent healthcare. It wasn’t until she went to college that she became, as the title says, “educated.” Once she learns more about the outside world, she has to figure out her relationship to her parents.

For paid subscribers, the list continues below with 5 more memoirs by people who escaped from high-control religious groups, plus 3 books that have helped me understand narcissism, authoritarian leaders, and high-control environments. As an additional bonus, I’m including a list of 13 excellent documentaries about cults and high-control groups, most of which are based on the testimonies of people who escaped from them.