10 books that might help if you feel stuck

my favorite reads on simplicity, habits, perseverance, time management, and getting rid of all your stuff

What do I mean by stuck? Maybe you’ve just been through something really hard and you’re trying to get back to your previous level of normal. Maybe you’ve noticed areas in your life where you’re slowly drifting into a place you don’t want to go. Maybe your house is a mess and you don’t know where to start to give it some sense of order. Perhaps it’s just a general state of “meh.” I have felt all of those things at different times of my life, and by God’s grace, there are some really great books that have helped me along the way.

Please understand that I am not trying to tell you that the answer to feeling stuck is to completely revamp your life all at once. (My husband can attest to the fact that I’ve tried that route many times.) Reading a bunch of books and choosing 50 new habits to start is not going to be the anecdote to your malaise. As Adam Sandler says in one of my favorite SNL skits, "That's a job for incremental lifestyle changes sustained over time."

With all those caveats, one of the reasons these books made it onto this list is because for the most part, they encourage you to start small in a way that you can build on over time. They may also help you realize why you feel stuck. It might be because of circumstances you can’t change, but even if that’s true, there might be some things you can do to make living in those circumstances a little bit easier.

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear (read in 2020, but also another time before that)

Chances are you’ve heard of this one. There’s a reason it continues to be all over the place years after it was published. Principles of this book have made it into our shared consciousness so deeply that I think many people don’t even know the ideas came from this book (for example, habit stacking—pairing a new habit you want to start doing with a habit you’ve already established). I wouldn’t recommend this book to someone who’s in the midst of a major depressive episode. It won’t help you out of the pit. But if you’re on solid ground right now, albeit with shaky legs, this book might help you take some steps forward.

The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, and Get Stuff Done by Kendra Adachi (read in 2021 and almost yearly since then)

It’s not an understatement to say that this book changed my life. This book contains 13 principles to be “a lazy genius” (defined as being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don’t). The first one is: Name what matters. That sentence pops into my head at least once a week. I’m overwhelmed with something I’m planning, and I think, “Name what matters.” I’m looking at my messy house and trying to figure out where to start: “Name what matters.” It’s truly magical.

Kendra wrote a new book last year on time management called The Plan: Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius. I haven’t read it yet, but knowing what I do about the advice she gives on her podcast, I would recommend it wholeheartedly. She has shared that almost all time management books are written from the perspective of men working in corporate jobs, and so she tried to write a book not merely for women but that could be more applicable to people in all kinds of contexts.

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen (read in 2017)

I read a very old version of this book. There is a newer edition that I assume was written with things like the Internet and smartphones in mind. The edition I read referred to filing cabinets, so it wouldn’t have aged very well. Even so, the book helped me understand my own brain and how it works best. The basic premise of the book is that our brains are not meant to store information; the job of the brain is to solve problems. But guess what? It’s really hard to use your brain to solve problems if you’re trying to keep track of a ton of information. The outcome of doing that is that you either can’t problem-solve, or you forget a lot of important information. This book gives great advice on how to change the way you use your brain!

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo (read in 2017)

This book was probably the beginning of my minimalism journey, although I didn’t realize it at the time. The idea of considering if an item “sparks joy” is now kind of a joke, but Ms. Kondo knows what she’s talking about. You don’t have to fold your socks the way she tells you to in order to benefit from this book. It’s also a quick read!

Grit: The Power and Passion of Perseverance by Angela Duckworth (read in 2017)

We have a family tradition that when our kids turn 13, they go on a “Rite of Passage” trip with the same-gender parent. Because we had our first two boys 15 months apart, my husband has now gone on that trip two years in a row (only six more years until it’s my turn to take our daughter). Christian listened to this book with both boys on the drive up to the mountains. He and I both read it years ago, and it remains one of the best books I’ve read on building resilience, doing hard things, and being an adult. We have implemented several of her ideas with our kids, including everyone having to be doing one hard thing in any given season, and committing to extracurricular activities for 1-2 seasons before quitting, depending on the age of the child.

The Common Rule: Habits of Purpose for an Age of Distraction by Justin Whitmel Early (read in 2023)

Not all of the books on this list are written from a Christian perspective, but this one is, and I enjoyed thinking about how rhythms I already have align with what I believe God and his Word say about the best ways to live in the world. The author offers steps you can take to create new habits in small ways, eventually building up to larger changes.

He has another book called Habits of the Household: Practicing the Story of God in Everyday Rhythms that I have on my TBR shelf. I’ll let you know what I think once I read it!

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski (read in 2020)

One reason you might be stuck is that your body and mind are suffering from burnout. This book is geared toward women, and it was one of the first books I read that started my journey of learning about how our bodies and brains work together in times of stress. We are not just brains or just bodies. We’re whole people, and our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives are inextricably connected. This would be a great read if you either 1) know you’re burned out or 2) feel like something is up and aren’t sure what.

How to ADHD: An Insider’s Guide to Working With Your Brain (Not Against It) by Jessica McCabe (read in 2024)

I do not have ADHD. One way that was confirmed was when I listened to this in audiobook format. It felt like it was all over the place and very difficult for me to follow. As I continued listening, I realized that was the point—the author has ADHD and knows that others with ADHD would find it more stimulating if the book was written in that way. So although I was not personally helped by this book, I have recommended it to several people who do have ADHD, and they loved it. It’s full of practical tips to help with various challenges those with ADHD tend to face. The author also has a YouTube channel of the same name.

Decluttering at the Speed of Life: Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff by Dana K. White (read in 2021)

If you are struggling with keeping your house clean, get some earbuds, download the audiobook (hopefully for free from your local library), and listen to this while you start tackling your house room by room. This book is not about cleaning; it’s about decluttering. But what I learned several years ago is that it’s a lot easier to keep your house clean when it has less stuff in it. The best part is that once you start getting rid of stuff, there’s a snowball effect. Decluttering my home eventually led me to declutter my calendar, my phone apps, my books-to-read list, and more—all of which has led to a clearer head and a more peaceful existence. She also has a YouTube channel.

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross (read in 2015)

I read this book when our older boys were the age my youngest son is now, and it transformed the way I thought about our lives and our homes, especially their belongings. Since then, we’ve always had a pretty minimalist approach to toys. Of course, with four kids, it still adds up to a lot of belongings, but there is some great research in here about what kids really need, how they learn and play best, and how to set them up for success as adults while also simplifying your own life. If you feel overwhelmed or guilty with all the people on Instagram putting glitter in their kitchen on St. Patrick’s Day so their kids think leprechauns came overnight, this book is for you.

Happy reading! As always, hearing from you is one of the highlights of writing this newsletter. I’d love to know if you’ve read any of these, or if there are any books you’d add to this list.